Crazy Asshole for $500, Alex

Ya'll remember that super fun and exciting, usually 2 week long,  honeymoon period in the beginning of a relationship where everything is fuzzy and warm? Where he might snore like your dad and grandpa combined, but you think it is cute. Or the fact that he doesn't remember you told him your schedule just means he is busy? Even that tickling warning in your stomach means you are nervous, right? 

WRONG

Ladies and gents, I promise not to turn this into a bio lesson or even a religion discussion but god gave us intuition and stomachs for a reason. Pay attention to the warning signs.

Let me break it down for you...


I blogged a month ago about a guy that I met. Good time, great taste. Just a couple of things though. When we first started talking he warned me about two things. 1) "Oh, by the way, I'm bipolar. Is that going to be a problem?" (When you say bipolar...)  2) "Baby, I know how to play the game"( I call the green piece!)  I didn't take him serious at first,( it is like me telling someone I'm shy, no one believes me until they see me at a party where im not drunk) thinking that he was just sayin' (you know like, "im just sayin' I have 21 toes"). Pretty sure he was serious. In the past month he has played me and been bipolar about it. Not play in a hurtful way, just in a "your moods are giving me whiplash" kind of way. First example: (in this scenario i play the heroine  who is confused, we will call  me....well, me) (he is just blank because weird emotionally bipolar guy is just too long to write everytime)
"Im getting a new number"
me: "oook..."
"it's not ok"
me: "why?"
"cause i like you"
me;"so I am the reason for the new number?"
"no"
me: "then I don't understand"
"i miss you"
me: "so why are you getting a new number?"
'im not, lol"

Really??? Then here recently are the times where he will just stop talking when I ask him a question, or ask stupid things, or my personal favorite, example number two: (same abbreviations as last time) 
"you get f**ked?" (please don't ask me to explain this one...i just can't, and in my mind it gets better so please read on)
me: "uh...no"
"ok"
me: "I did have some friends over and got tipsy (again...please don't ask me to explain)
"lol"
"cool"
me: "i know, right?"
"yea, later"
me: "wha?"
"yea later, peace adios"


Really??? I  know what later means, but thanks for being a dick about it. 


Now boys and girls, I got strong for about a day and a half. I ignored texts saturday AND sunday. Today I answered back. Am I sick? Here lately I have been attracted to some serious assholes....and what is this game he is playing? Give a little and take away right quick? I didn't realize that I had so much in common with my kitten (balls of string are fun!) 
Be proud of me though. 
"hey"
me: "hey"
"it's about damn time"
me: "is that supposed to make me want to talk to you?"
"ok, whatever"


YEAH! TAKE THAT! YOU HAVEN'T MET THIS BITCH YET! GUESS WHAT? I'M BIPOLAR TOO!

Three's A Crowd Part 2

Quick recap...


Eager to please his girlfriend of a year and a half, Don Juan is looking for an eager female, willing to please a potential boyfriend. Enter me. I am eager, female and willing to please but unfortunately for our hero, not in the way he wants.


So if the written portion of the evening wasn't enough to warn me and others away...

He asks me to video chat. Now ya'll remember part one of this epic? My rules for video chatting?

I click accept. 


I take a deep breath and brace myself for, like, Quasimoto's half elf brother to pop up on my screen. I open my eyes and there on the computer is a, well, hottie! Kinda nerdy lookin', fashionable black thick rimmed glasses, longish hair and complete with a flavor saver!  Ooo la la! Lucky me, huh? We grin stupidly at each other for a minute and I look down because I need a quick shot of liquid courage (and I'm pretty sure my voice won't work!). I look back up and he is typing something out. I lean down to read the text only to find out that he has asked to see my boobs! I look back up to his face and shake my head no because shouting has never solved anything. "How bout just one boob?"
Someone should teach this guy how to bargain. Ask for the least amt first then go for the gold... 
I shake my head no again and he laughs like he expected that answer. He begins to type something out and I notice it is slow going for him. He types for a bit, looks down, looks at me, put his hand in his lap, moves his hand down, back up, down, back up, types then waits for my response


This would be a good time to remember the rules...i didn't


I ask him if it is hard for him to type like that. "yes, does it bother you, what I am doing?"


I wait a minute....look down, then up, then down, then up and reply "No, but could you turn your sound up a bit"......