Friday, October 19, 2012

I am woman, hear me roar?

Well, ya'll. it has been a cr-a-zy year! I have been with someone long enough that I am starting to use their catch phrases! Isn't that the weirdest feeling? You open your  mouth to say something, it comes out tasting funny and then you realize not only were you not the first to say it but you said it with their voice and inflection. Or even worse, when they say something that you have been saying for years (ex. You: "something smells good." Them: "I farted." You in your head : "dammit! really?") and now you can't use it for fear that they will think you a copycat. You try to interject it into conversation with them but are hyper aware that they will know what you are doing and smile knowingly (i love a good patronizing pat on the knee it really hammers the point home). I have smuggled deodorant and a toothbrush into the bathroom, a myriad of spices I can't personally eat without into the kitchen (salt for one) and have "accidentally" left numerous hair accessories just "lying" around (not artfully placed or anything) marking my territory. Trust me ladies, it is a lot easier than peeing on everything.We blew through the first fight, drunk. I called my best friend to come pick me up, sure I would never see him again. She took me back after I accused her of kidnapping me. Slept on the couch. Moved all  my stuff (left a trail of  hair accessories to the door, hoping he would divine the haste in which i left) out that morning. Called my friends. Freaked out that he would divine the special meaning behind the Hansel and Gretel hairpull move. Didn't call him though. Not that day anyway. You have to give these things time to marinate. I called the next day, fearful that I maybe had gone too far in my demonstration and now instead of talking about it over dinner I would have to do damage control at lunch. Long story short, while I overreacted in my head and to my poor friends, he is mostly blissfully ignorant of the inner workings of the female mind (and to the trail of dejected hairpulls) and I was able to talk without any mishap or tears! Whew. First fight done and smooth ish sailing from  here! 

p.s every time i tried to type first it came out fist fight. No one should hit anyone. Choking is ok though. 

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