"I like it when they call me big poppa"

So after "A" day of terror (anyone get that reference?) I was a little put out (not directly to the pasture but I could see the lifeless gray hills of cat lady heaven). Feeling my years (DQ = drama queen) and like I had made one huge mistake I, with lead fingers and heart, log back on. The messages from the day before were still up, mocking me with their unsportsmanlike conduct and I avert my eyes and quickly scroll down the page where it says "You have two new messages" (yay). Rolling my eyes from behind my head I look down and see...what is this...a non football profile name...hunting and fishing NOT included??? TOUCHDOWN (sorry had to). Grinning like a school girl with her first Johnny Depp crush (still am that girl by the way) I sit up straighter and confidently click on contestant #1. This lucky bachelor's message reads: "hi megs (uh, familiar much?) how do you feel about sexy older men?"  Now, two questions instantly sprang to mind "Just how old are we talking and just how sexy (i can forgive and forget alot!)"? One double click later and I was given those two answers.

I would like to preface these next comments to "sexy older men" everywhere.

No offense intended, for you have put in a lot (and I mean a lot) of years on this planet. I am sure in your real life you are a respected and fun loving member of the senior community and, that they love you (and your senior discount) at the mickey d's. God bless you for getting out there and trying something new and learning how to use the internet, much less the emoticons you followed your next statement with. Things have not changed in the 50 million years since you invented "dating" so you should know that if a girl doesn't answer the first time, please don't follow up with an email that asks if I enjoy spankings.

I.Might.But.Not.From.You. xoxox Megann

nuff said.

First one down...second time with feeling, right?

Losing a bit of the Johnny Depp grin, I proceed to click on contestant #2 

His message read: "Hey Beautiful (hey, that's me!) u wont (wait a minute and just sound out that word real slow and southern like) to chat?" 

Ok, so aside from the fact that he is neither a speller (nor am I) or grammatical genius (nor am i), he is kinda cute (in a wont instead of want way) and I message him back. We went back and forth with the usual chit awkward chat for a couple of hours when I received this gem of an email "jus woke up my self (dramatic pause between my and self, did you feel it?) i 2 (?) had a long day sweetie (personal familiarity space please) so what do u won't (his mind must know it is the wrong way to spell it b/c he added the right punctuation!) to know about me sweetie (10 minutes between endearments, please) i am an open book =)"  (i bet you are...one big blank open book)

Now, now as if this wasn't enough...i ask him hobbies and what his favorite things to do are. Answers include but are not limited to...country music but he is also a little bit rap, fishin, huntin, and muddin, (he forgot poet, guess cause it didn't rhyme with the rest)and,he almost forgot to tell me,(oh so glad he didn't) he says that he loves to work out and can bench 300 lbs and leg lift 500 lbs. (watch out ladies...this one is mine). 

Ya'll don't hate me b/c i kept on talking to him, Im new at this and if this was going to be the best, well then I was going to find the best in it...(there is a best right???)

There isn't. Unfortunately for me, he lost intrest after a couple more emails... darn it...